So here I am penning down my last blog post of 2012 to sum up the year.
(EDIT: Finally sitting down to complete this post on 13th January 2013)
Let's start with the first month.
January
January was an excruciating month for me as Josh and I had one of the worst fights. It was a hectic month as the final year students had to go through sleepless nights to complete the final year project. Fell ill for a substantial period of time and my weight dropped significantly.
March
Finally graduated from TP in March. Bittersweet. I'm not a hardworking girl, more of a tardy queen. I love sleeping more than squeezing in buses of sardines for an hour journey to school for lectures whatnot. I would rather edit my numerous albums of photos than doing tutorials. Skipping lessons were more of my thing in first year. Gradually, my friends became annoyed with me and persuaded me to be a good school girl out of love. Grades hit me in my head and yes I became more committed to school in year 2. Had a good feel of what school really is as I proceeded to year 3, with internship and fyp exposing me to reality that I am growing up.
April - August
Prolly 2 days after I graduated, my internship brand manager rang me up to offer me a visual merchandising position at OSSIA. Beyond any doubt, I was exhilarated. Arts was more of my forte over academic. Besides, I didn't have to go through the tedious job hunting process.
I was handed over the port folio consisting of brands: -
Premium Brands
Bread & Butter
True Religion
Affliction
7 For All Mankind
Camper
Luxury Brands
Just Cavalli
Paul & Joe
65 Barcode
Versus Versace
Lifestyle Brands
Springfield
Baby Phat
Tally Weijl
Generally I would say a brand requires a team of visual merchandisers to conceptualize themes and execute the changes in the store. On the other hand, it was a one-man show for me to handle various brands. I return home worn out every single day. Various store visits in a day, changes and all, I was caught up in the neck.
The brands highlighted in red were proposed to expand the brand line of the company. Few weeks ago, I came across a new shopping mall, known as Atrium. Uncanny resemblance it struck as my head turned to catch a second glimpse of what seemed familiar to me. Quick flashbacks went through my mind as I missed everyone and everything I used to do back then.
A colleague once told me, 'You may be good at something that you love doing but you do not have to make it a career. It can be a hobby.'
That clearly woke me up. Thus, I bade goodbye to my fiery passion that has turned bittersweet.
September to current
I gave myself approximately a month to have a good break, to free my mind, to breathe and to seek my next journey. I prayed fervently for directions. Taking up a job and giving it up is not as easy as saying yes or no. God's grace, Josh mama recommended me and I got accepted in a lawfirm.
Arts.....designing....hands on...... What? Lawfirm?
Bet that crossed your mind. I could only agree with uncertainty and a step ahead for new challenges. I found myself immersing into my role at the lawfirm after a week or so. I loved my colleagues, I loved how interesting everything was. My boss is a fabulous lady, with a heart of generosity and humour. Of course, no monkey business when it comes to work.
Then, came news that my favourite colleague would be leaving us. She was my lunch buddy, my htht buddy, someone who would make work worth looking forward to. Her name is Lavanya, in short she's okay with us calling her Lava which I found it really cute. I would lean on her whenever I'm weary, we would tease each other all the time. Above all, I enjoyed her company. Her words are comforting and strengthening. She would tell me that I'm the sweetest girl, that I deserve all the happiness and love in the world. I'm not saying I like her because she says nice stuff about me. You can feel it when someone means something they say to you, that they wish the best for you. I miss her dearly and pushes her all the time to return to Singapore.
I have gained so much, so precious.
November
One of the highlights of the year: Bintan trip with my gee!
I like how steady (I can't think of a proper english word suddenly) she was when I asked if she was keen on a trip together. So we booked tickets and off we sailed.
I have always told her how thankful I am to have her back in my life.
In a photo caption I once said, 'I once lost a gem in the ocean, now I've found it back, I'm holding it close to my heart.'
The story of how we were once close and lost touch for a couple of years and reunited at a softball senior's birthday chalet........
My gee is a very well-sought lady, very cute and just special. Not your typical kind of girl to mess with. I like how genuinely she portrays herself. Looking forward to the next trip together.
Honestly I could go on forever, highlighting my friends with words from my heart but it's gonna take forever. I'm showing no favoritism all right! I appreciate every single one and one who are still with me.
My thoughts
When I think of the word losing, somehow darkness fills my mind. It's scary. But when you lose something, you gain something. Often, we don't realise it because we are unwilling to accept the loses we cherish dearly. Perhaps, we actually lost because we didn't hold on to it the way we should have. But God will never shut all doors, He always gives you a way out. To figure out life? To figure out what's important? Your story to tell.
I've known myself to make decisions in line with people who are important to me. Say for example, I made up my mind to work for a few years till Josh is done with NS. Wasn't easy, definitely. In all I do, I pray for God's guidance. I would believe it's still in His favour, looking how far I've come.
Along the way, people advise me to study at my age, to not make decisions in line with anyone because it is my life to lead. They tell me I'm still young, why suffer in the working industry when I have a life ahead to work away. Well, impulsiveness is a taboo in my dictionary. Consequences are real, I do not tamper with them. This step I've taken reflects my life plan that I picture in my head and I wish to accomplish it together with my life partner.
When life throws lemons at you, make lemonades out of them. But do we all know how to make lemonades?
I find relationships messier and harder to understand as I grow older. I acknowledge differences between males and females, the way the neuro connections work, the way interpretation channels differently.
Everything we are now, are choices we made in life. Nobody can force you away from your happiness because you hold the key to it.
I'm terrible at balancing, even literally and that is why I have bumps all over my poor calves. Nonetheless, I'm very thankful to God for my friends who are extremely patient and loving towards me that they accept all the lack of time I wish I could make up for it.
I'm thankful to God for the reunion with people I've missed dearly. If distance does not wipe away someone from your head, you know that person is really important to you. Still, one regret like other years, I have failed to reconcile with my hubz. Thank you for being willing to reply my facebook messages. Thank you for telling me I've always been on your mind despite us losing contact. You have always been on my mind and in my prayers, I'm still looking forward to a reunion.
A second regret, still, I do not have the calling to focus more time on my family. I do not feel as close to them.
A third regret, I have friends asking me about church. I could possibly introduce them to God. I have a barrier I can't overcome. I feel my faith is still lacking, I don't have the courage and ability to bring them to Christ. For this, I may lose that one and only one chance to share the gospel with them.
My relationship
Joshua was a significant choice I made about 2 years ago. Once I step right in, I have no intention to opt out. He has loved me with his very best, to make me happy in ways he attempted. Our relationship hasn't been smooth-sailing, which falls back on both of us. I once read somewhere, if you don't want your relationship to turn sour, don't tell anyone. Which can be true at times because a million people have different perspectives of things.
Perhaps he has tried to love me with his very best but I can't really feel it. It doesn't mean he doesn't but the way he does it is just different. I wouldn't categorize myself as a very sticky clingy possessive girlfriend coz those three words make my insides churn. There have to be ample reasons why this, why that. To me, a true couple are like soulmates. They share anything, everything. There isn't exactly a line drawn. There aren't boundaries like what I can share and what I can't. Once the trust is established, the two are a formidable force.
I seem to be typing a lot. But backtrack, when was my last deep post?
You know, conversing with people allows you to learn new things every instance. Yes, these conversations may sway or influence you but ultimately, the key holder is still yourself. I'm gonna be pretty open. Thoughts like....maybe we are still young, why commit heavily and have thoughts of settling down? You know, just enjoy and see how it goes.
Josh's parents have always journeyed with us. The way they treat me like their own, the rich love and concern always makes my heart ache with joy. The way they love their children......is so admirable.
Giving it a thorough careful thought, I would still stick to my commitment, my promise, my 090620102359 choice. Once you have found someone you truly love, deeply, madly, you wouldn't consider another.
Here's where I'm coming from, it has to be mutual in order for the love to be protected.
Once you fall in love with someone, you never really do stop loving, do you?
2012 could been considerably pretty shitty to me but thank you for all the pillars of support to push me through this year.
With love,
Reb.
Disclaimer: I don't really have the time to do quality check, I hope this post is as accurate as I drafted it